The Raven: Gundam Style
by Koujo
Summary: Yoai alert! The guys of Gundam Wing attempt to play out Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven.' Lots of humor.


The Raven - Gundam Style

  


Author: Trio

finished: 2000

rated: R, YAOI, adult language

type: Gundam Wing mixed with Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Raven'

email: kuraiko@hotmail.com

http://destined.to/koujo

Disclaimer: I don't own characters. I don't own poem. I do own idea.

The Raven, by Edgar Allen Poe. First published in 1845.

  


I'm the narrator, Trio. In script form.

  


^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

  


Trio: Okay guys curtain call. **smiles at the 5 boys in front of her**

  


Heero: I'm going to kill you!

  


Duo: I think I'm going to be sick! **Duo's face turns green**

  


Trio: Come on guys, it isn't that bad. You only have one more to do. 

Poe's 'The Raven.'

  


Wufei: Who?

  


Duo: Wu-man don't tell me you don't know Edgar Allen Poe? **sighs**

  


Quatre: Trio, what do we have to do?

  


Trio: Just play out The Raven. It's easy. Look I'll be Lenore.

  


Trowa: Lenore?

  


Trio: Nevermind! K, guys take your positions.

  


**Curtain comes up**

  


Heero: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, never weak and weary,

**sits in a big red chair**

  


Trio: Heero its '...while I pondered, weak and weary,'

  


Heero: So... Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,

While I nodded, nearly napping,... I can see why. Trio this bits.

**stands**

Trio: HEERO! Do it right!

  


Heero: Hn, **sits again** nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone gently raping, raping at my chamber door. What?

  


Quatre: Heero it's rapping not raping. Just a little different. **smiles**

  


Heero: Whatever. **frowns** 

" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered ,"tapping at me chamber door;

Only this, and nothing more." This sucks.

  


Wufei: **Heero and Wufei switch positions, Wufei now sits in chair**

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; morrow what the hell is a morrow?

  


Duo: Morrow means tomorrow. Poe wants the night to end and the day to 

come.

  


Wufei: ...morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,.

**Wufei looks at Duo**

  


Trio: Good Wufei. Remember I'm Lenore. 

  


Wufei: For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Trio,

**Wufei looks at a Trio**

Nameless here forevermore.

  


Trio: That's flattering Wufei, but it's Lenore not Trio. **blushes**

  


Trowa: I thought you said you were Lenore?

  


Quatre: Trowa, ... nevermind.

  


Duo: OKay, stand back guys here is how it's done. **Wufei and Duo switch 

places at the chair**

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me --- filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

" 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.

This it is, and nothing more."

That's how you do it boys!

  


Heero: **Frowns and turns away from stage**

  


Trio: **Smiling** Good Duo. Quatre your turn.

  


Quatre: **Quatre and Duo switch positions** Ok, here goes.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

"Sir," said I, "or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

Huh?

  


Trio: Not again!! **pulls at hair** 

  


Wufei: He means, please forgive me. Go on.

  


Quatre: Thanks Wufei.

But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

Why does he always call it his chamber door?

  


Heero: Because he can. Read damn it!

  


All: **look to Heero is shock, Heero remains cold and distant**

  


Quatre: That I scarce was sure I heard you." Here I open wide the door;--

Darkness there, and nothing more. Creepy.

  


Trio: That's part of Poe's brilliance. **eyes twinkle**

  


Trowa: I'm next. **Quatre and Trowa switch places in chair**

Deep in the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing

I don't think so, I fear nothing. 

  


Trio: Everyone fears something.

  


Wufei: Ya, humans are weak and so fear something. I fear injustice.

  


Duo: Hmmm... I'm afraid someone will cut my braid off. **grabs braid**

Heero, what do you fear?

  


Heero: Hnn... **silence from the perfect soldier**

  


Trowa: **looks at Heero, then to Trio and others**

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;

But the silence was never broken by the perfect soldier named Heero

  


Heero: **looks at Trowa** I fear nothing. Are you happy now? I have no

weaknesses. Happy?

  


Trowa: **nods yes** 

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,

And the only word spoken was the whispered word,

Trio?, This I whispered...

  


Trio: Trowa, it's the whispered word, Lenore. Please take this seriously.

  


Trowa: Lenore?, This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word,

"Lenore!" Merely this, and nothing more.

Why can Wufei flatter you, but when I do it its, "please take this

more seriously?"

  


Trio: Please don't do this!

  


Quatre: No, he's right.

  


Wufei: You only say that, Quatre, cuz you are in love with Trowa.

  


Quatre: **blushes a DEEP red** I... I... I...

  


Trowa: Quatre?

  


Duo: Lets move on and save Quatre the embarrassment. 

Heero your turn again.

  


Heero: No.

  


All: What?

  


Heero: **sighs, and sits in chair**

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,

Trio this poem thing sucks!

  


Wufei: Women prize such unnecessary things.

  


Duo: What?

  


Wufei: Women are weak, nothings in this war and serve NO purpose!

  


Trio: Hey!

  


Quatre: Wufei, you didn't mean that, did you?

  


Wufei: **turns back to others**

  


Duo: Wu-man?

  


Trowa: I think Heero should continue. The sooner we get this done the 

sooner Quatre can explain the love thing.

  


Quatre: **blushes** I... I... I...

  


Heero: **sitting in red chair**

"Surely," said I, "surely, that is something at my window lattice."

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.

Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.

" 'Tis the wind, and nothing more."

  


Wufei: **switched positions with Heero** How much more?

  


Trio: 12 paragraphs, Wufei has 3, Duo 3, Heero 2, Quatre 2, and Trowa 2.

  


Wufei: Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,

This is fucked up!

  


Duo: Calm down Wu-man!

  


Wufei: Maxwell, DON'T call me WU-MAN! **lungs for Duo**

  


Heero: **intercepts Wufei, before he can get to Duo, who is cowering in a 

corner** Just finish Wufei, you can kill him anytime. **looks at 

Duo with a non-emotional face**

  


Wufei: Fine. In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped of stayed he;

But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.

Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door,

What the fuck is Pallas?

  


Heero: Athena. [1]

  


Duo: **blinks wildly, unable to believe Heero knew mythology** Heero?

  


Quatre: Athena was the Goddess of the Moon. Daughter to Zeus. [2]

  


Wufei: Thanks Quatre, I didn't want a freakin' lecture, you freakin' fairy.

  


Quatre: **looks sad and hurt** I'm sorry Wufei. **turns to leave**

  


Trowa: You didn't need to be so blunt Wufei. **turns towards Quatre**

Quatre you're not a fairy, come back. **Quatre returns and stands

by Trowa**

  


Wufei: Perched, and sat, and nothing more. I'm done, I'm not doing anymore.

  


Duo: **Duo and Wufei switch, Duo sits in chair. Smiles**

Here's another lesson!

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, **smiles**

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven thou," I said, "art sure 

no craven,

What the hell is a craven?

  


Heero: What a great lesson, Duo.

  


Duo: Nevermind...

Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven, wandering from the nightly shore.

Tell me o'messenger of hell... **smiles**

  


Quatre: Duo, stick to the poem.

  


Duo: Hey, I'm just making it interesting.

  


Wufei: I thought you like Poe's works as is.

  


Duo: **sticks tongue out at Wufei** Fine! You guys are as bad as Heero.

**Heero looks unfazed, head down and eyes closed**

Tell me what the lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore."

I love this part... Quoth the raven, "Nevermore."

That part is the best, it kicks ass.

  


Quatre: That's my favorite part too, but I don't share Duo's enthusiasm.

**switches places with Duo** Okay, my turn again.

Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door,

Again with the 'chamber door.'

  


Heero: Quatre, just fucking read it!

  


All: **look at Heero, stunned at Heero's second out burst of continuance**

  


Quatre: Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his door,

  


Wufei: God damn it Quatre, it is a freakin' chamber door. Get it right you

little butt fucker!

  


Quatre: **runs away**

  


Trowa: I'll finish for him.

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such name as "Nevermore."

  


Trio: Maybe someone should go get Quatre. **looks at pilots**

Fine I'll do it! Wufei, you're such an ass!

  


**Trio leaves**

  


Trowa: I say we skip to the end, while Trio is gone. What'a ya think?

  


Duo: Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

** jumped up and down repeating**

Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

  


Heero: I'm with you Trowa. **looks at Duo** Stop it Duo!

Duo: Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

  


Heero: **walks over to Duo**

  


Duo: Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Quoth the raven "Nevermore." 

**sees Heero coming towards him** Ah, Heero... please don't hurt...

  


Heero: **kisses Duo, both fall to the stage floor**

  


Wufei: Damn! All of you are freakin' fairies!

  


Trowa: **turns to Wufei, jumps on Wufei**

  


Wufei: Barton get the FUCK off me!

  


Trowa: Fuck? You got it. **kisses Wufei**

  


Wufei: Mmmm ... mmm... ooo... ya.aa.a..aa **Wufei kissed Trowa back, while

trying to talk**

  


**Trio and Quatre walk on to stage**

  


Quatre: TROWA NOOOOO!!! Damn you Wufei, Trowa is mine!

  


Wufei: Not any more! **goes back to kissing Trowa**

  


Trowa: **looks up at Quatre, smiles** Don't worry little one, you're next.

  


Quatre: **smiles and nods**

  


Trio: You guys are hopeless. Well, the parody is over. But before I let

you go here is the last line of the classic poem.

Shall be lifted --- nevermore!

Thank you and come again real soon.

  


Duo: **muffled** Quoth the raven "Nevermore."

Quoth the raven "Nevermore." Damn Heero! Wow, your big!

  


  


  


[1] Athena: Goddess of wisdom and of women's crafts in Greek Mythology

Minerva: Goddess of wisdom and war in Roman Mythology. Also the 

goddess of arts and of such crafts as spinning and weaving. The 

Greeks called her Athena. 

  


Minerva and Neptune (Poseidon) had a contest for the protection of

Athens. Minerva produced the olive, and Neptune the horse. The gods

decided that the olive was of greater benefit to mankind, and named

the city Athens after her.

  


She was the daughter of Jupiter (Zeus) and Metis (Wisdom). Jupiter

smallowed Metis before Minerva was born, and Minerva sprang fully 

grown and dressed in armor from the forehead of Jupiter.

  


Minerva carried the magic shield called the aegis. This had the head

of Medusa in the center of it, and it could turn enemies to stone.

Minerva is usually shown in art wearing a helmet. 

-The World Book Encyclopedia, 1968 [3]

  


[2] No one's perfect.

  


[3] Yes god damn it my encyclopedias are old, I know! They have been in 

the family for 3 generations. And I'm not about to go out and buy

new ones. At least not yet. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


  



End file.
